Letters to Matt by Tara Lin Mossinghoff

Author:Tara Lin Mossinghoff [Mossinghoff, Tara Lin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-06-24T04:00:00+00:00

I wake up to the sun shining into the room. In the light of the day, I realize what I did last night. I panic as I see Cole lying next to me, sound asleep.

Suddenly, tears are running down my face. I feel terrible. I feel like I betrayed Matt. I feel like a slut. I don’t sleep with guys I just met at the bar, even if it was basically a blind date.

Cole was the first person to sleep with me after Matt and I don’t even know his last name. And, I know it’s silly, I know that there’s no way that Matt can magically come back to life, but sleeping with Cole truly means that I can never make love to Matt again.

Sobs wrack my body as I curl up, facing the wall. I don’t realize that I’ve woken Cole up until I hear him ask what’s wrong and hug me from behind. I recoil away from him.

“Jaden?” he asks. “Are you okay?”

“I just…sorry, I didn’t mean to pull away. It’s not you. It’s just…we’re both naked…and…” I don’t even know how to process what I’m feeling, let alone put it into words.

Cole seems to understand, though. I hear him rustling around in the bed and within a few moments, he holds my panties and his shirt out to me. I slip into the clothing, trying to stay covered, as he puts on his boxers. We are both more decent, but I still feel terrible with tears streaming down my face.

“Did I do something wrong?”

I shake my head. “It’s not you. It’s just…” I don’t know how else to say it, so I just let the words come. “I miss Matt and this…I don’t know how I feel about what I—what we—did last night.”

“I get it,” he says. “You’re the first person I’ve slept with after Amber. It’s…odd, not in a bad way, but just…”

I nod my head. I know what he means. Knowing that he gets it, that in some small way he understands, makes me cry even harder.

“Shhh, c’mere.” He pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around me.

“Are we terrible people?” I ask.

I feel Cole shake his head. “We didn’t do anything wrong, Jaden. It’s just…complicated.”

I snort. “Complicated is one hell of a word. I feel like I cheated on my fiancé that’s been dead for a year.” I didn’t mean to say the words. But now they are out there. To my surprise, Cole just hugs me harder.

“It’s okay to feel upset and torn, but just know that even if it was a little sudden, I wouldn’t take it back.” I nod my head. “And this wasn’t my intention. I didn’t plan to lure you back here for sex.”

I nod again. “I know. Besides, I’m the one who started it.”

Cole doesn’t respond, and we lay there for a couple of minutes. My growling stomach breaks through the silence.

“Sorry. Guess I’m a little hungry.”

“Let me take you to breakfast,” he suggests. I feel torn.

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